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"[Kids] get self-esteem from achievement; they don't get achievement from self-esteem. It's a one-way street," said Ashley Merryman, co-author of the best-selling NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children (Twelve), at an Institute event today. In a talk that often up-ended the conventional wisdom on child-rearing and education, Merryman dismissed self-esteem-building ("There is no correlation between high self-esteem and academic success") and over-praising ("Kids who are praised for their smarts are more likely to cheat!").

Instead, Merryman advocated a radically honest approach to motivating kids. She argued for praising children for their efforts, not their smarts. "Because," she said, aping a child, "if I'm smart and then I fail, I might not be smart any more." It's also why children who are praised as smart are more likely to choose easier tasks and even cheat as they get older—to preserve their status as smart without risking failure. On the flip side, children who are praised for their efforts end up trying harder and show a willingness to take on more difficult tasks. And new studies show that this kind of student will increase her IQ significantly in the process. So it's not self-esteem we want to impart to kids, said Merryman. "What we really want is persistence."

Merryman was equally adamant on the topic of sleep—and how little of it children are getting these days. "Preschoolers who sleep less than ten hours a night," she said, "are 300 percent more likely to become obese." And that's not all: "'A' students get 15 more minutes of sleep a night than 'B' students."